Looking Around

One of my favorite quotes, sayings, whatever you want to call it goes:

Sorrow looks back
Worry looks around
Faith looks up.

I have been spending too much time looking around lately. I'm a worrier by nature, but have been especially so lately. And I find, naturally, that when I spend so much time worrying and "looking around", I don't have nearly enough time to look up. This is not what my Heavenly Father wants for me. He doesn't want me dwelling on things I have no control over. He doesn't want me so caught up in my own mind that I'm not focusing on my relationship with Him. It's so much easier to brood, and dwell and sigh a lot and wonder if this is the plan He has for me than to realize that it is EXACTLY the plan He has for me. Even if I don't get it. And don't like it. I'm not supposed to. My human nature tells me that I should, but I'm not promised roses and sunshine throughout my time on this earth. That's not the deal. Jesus didn't get that. So why on earth would I, sinful, flawed me, expect to? Human nature. The constant struggle to realize that it's NOT all about me. It's all about Him. I pray and pray that His will is MY will - and I don't think it's wrong to pray about/ask for things I want. He wants to know the desires of my heart. I just can't expect that they are always in line with His plans. That is a hard pill to swallow. It's big and tastes gross and needs a lot of water to get it down. Or a lot of faith.

So all that to say, I'm going to start spending more time looking up. And in keeping with the season, being thankful.

I'm so thankful for:

A loving, supportive family
Prayerful friends
My solid-as-a-rock, not to mention, handsome, husband
The coming Advent season
My grandmother's turkey and dressing!
Time with aforementioned family
The armful of love that is my dog
Leaving work early
Faith
Hope
and Love

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I pray it's a blessed one for you all.

MckMiracle

You may have noticed the new button "MckMiracle" button on my side bar. Look at me, getting all fancy! I have been following this blog for a while and want to encourage you to jump over there and read all about this family and their little miracle baby. "MckMama's" faith is inspiring and I've been so blessed in reading some of her posts. I'll let you read all about her and her family yourself.

We all have dark days and times in our lives - I know I do. Sometimes it's impossible to understand why things happen. And I constantly have to remind myself that I may never understand, no matter how desperately I want to. My job is to trust completely in my God and His goodness and mercy. And while sometimes, a miracle happens, sometimes, one doesn't. But that doesn't change who He is. This is a struggle for me to understand from an earthly perspective, but I cling to it and know in my heart that He has "plans to prosper and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). Amen!

$40.92

A pretty cool thing happened at the grocery store yesterday. Rarely will those words come out of my mouth, as I LOATHE going to the grocery store, so take note!

Tyler and I have recently put ourselves on a pretty strict budget so we can save up for desperately needed carpet for our house. I know - boring right? If we're going to budget, shouldn't we be saving for something fun like a trip or shopping spree? Nope. Carpet.

So, adhering to said budget, we had $41 left over this month in our "grocery stash" and no more groceries to buy. Hooray! I could put this toward our savings, I thought. Or use it to actually go out to dinner! I am a super-budgeter I thought to myself.

Then I got an email from our church saying that one of the ministries we are partnered with is in dire need of groceries for families in need. Ahh, how the best laid plans are often changed. I was definitely being led to use that money for a different purpose now! The grocery list was for a family of four for a week, so I knew that I'd probably just need to put what we had left toward the total, as when I buy groceries for Tyler and I for a week, it's never only $40. Imagine my shock and delight when I got to the checkout line at Kroger (and after the cashier telling me I must be REALLY hungry), and my total was $40.92. I have exactly 8 cents leftover.

My, how the Lord does provide!

Georgia On My Mind

I'm feeling like I need to make up for a previous post, which made it sound like I don't like my current home state. Though I get really frustrated with Atlanta sometimes, as a whole, the state of Georgia is pretty cool and has a lot of beautiful places.

I was thinking of this as I was listening to Ray Charles's "Georgia On My Mind" the other night. It's one of my favorites. So how can I not like the state that is part of one of my favorite songs?

Here are the images it conjures up in my mind:

Being barefoot
Dirt roads
Being barefoot ON dirt roads
Sweet tea
Lightning bugs
Corn fields
Porch swings
Big oak trees
Lazy summer afternoons
Designing Women (I know, that's random, but good grief, that show made me laugh and this was its theme song in its later years).

How I wish I could live more of my days like I was caught in this song. Simple, relaxing, still and easy-going.

Home Sweet Home

There is an area in my life that is severely lacking. That's right, there's only one. Pretty impressive, right?

I seem to be missing the gene that motivates one to decorate their home. I have lived in my house for 3 1/2 years now. It looks pretty much the same as it did about 6 months after we moved in. Don't get me wrong - it looks lived in - we have furniture, we have pictures - but aren't I supposed to have the walls all decorated and curtains hung by now? I thought it was cool that I didn't have curtains because I have wooden blinds, but was informed by a friend that I really should have them. Oops. And I have great plans for artwork for the walls, but somehow, they are still blank. Except the downstairs - the place people actually see is pretty fixed up. I'm fooling everyone. MWAHAHA!

I admit part of this is due to my own laziness. But the other part, I think, is my hesitance in putting down roots here. I miss my hometown, I want to move back one day, and so it makes me feel less connected if I haven't invested a lot. Which is a little ridiculous, actually. Why would I not want to feel at home in the city I've lived in for oh, 7 years now? It is, in fact, my home after all. I'm perfectly happy here and if I ever do move away, I would miss it terribly (mostly I would just miss all my friends terribly). Or maybe all of this is just an excuse for me to be lazy. It's very possible.

But really, as long as it feels like a home, does it really matter if it doesn't look like a "house"?

However, I hereby declare that I am going to start making a concerted effort to "spruce up" the place. My role models will be: my friend, Kristin, who after being in her house for 6 months, looked like she had been there years longer and my sister-in-law, Melissa, who is a decorating rock star. As Chicago would say "You're the inspiration."

I knew I could get an 80's reference in this post.

Quiet

Life has been interesting lately. A lot of things going on, both good and bad, but in the midst of it all, I've found one thing I'm increasingly thankful for. Quiet.

On the more superficial level - it's just nice to be in a quiet place, relaxing and spending time with a book, or with Tyler and Lily. We went to a birthday dinner for some friends of ours last night and while it was so much fun, it was one of the loudest places I've been to. Except maybe a concert. When you're standing right next to the speaker. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I value external quiet a lot more than I used to. Just call me grandma.

On the internal level, being able to just stop, whether it's in my car, before I go to sleep, stepping outside during the day, or whenever - being able to just be still and quiet has been such a welcome blessing lately. It's given me time to think, to pray, to listen - things I don't think I took enough time before to do. And so in the midst of life, I've been able to carve out little pieces of quiet time that have helped me cope and reflect and give things over to God that I would normally hang on to myself. It's a hard thing to do, letting go of things, of worry, but I find the more I do, the more at peace I am. Funny how that works, huh?

Emma & Fergie

2 things, which apparently unrelated at the time, happened to me on the same day. First - I finished Jane Austen's Emma. Second - I heard Fergie's new song, Clumsy.

I have been struggling, ever since I was supposed to read it for a book club, to finish Emma. It actually got veto-ed after about a month of all of us trying to read it because none of us could get into it. How's that for a book club? Oprah would not be proud. But not one to back down from a challenge, I promised myself I would finish it because, I mean, it's Jane Austen for heaven's sake and I've never read another book of hers and I HAVE to read at least one, right? So I did it. It took a lot of motivation on my part and at the end of it all, I can say I appreciate it but didn't care for it. I get why it's a classic and I understand that her social commentary is sharp and comedic, but honestly, it was boring to me. That is, until the end, when she realized she loved Mr. Knightley. I'm a sucker for a love story and after pages and pages of loooong paragraphs on manners and society, it was nice to get to the meat of the story - or what I considered the meat of the story. So the last - oh about 100 pages of the book, I was in. A little late, but better late than never right? Hooray for happily ever after. But I'm not gonna lie when I say I liked Clueless better.

Cut to later that afternoon while I was radio surfing and came upon Fergie's latest song, Clumsy. What in the WORLD is this song? It might be one of the worst songs I have ever heard. I've never gotten why she's popular and this song just confirmed that for me. I think I might like GLAMOROUS better, and I hate that song too. I mean, "Flossy, Flossy" - what does that even mean? Is she telling me I should floss my teeth? Because I don't really think I need personal hygiene advice from the woman that peed all over herself in concert. Anyway - after I tried to give it a chance for about 30 seconds and then had to change the station, I started thinking about Emma & Fergie.

Jane Austen, prepare to roll over in your grave. Here's what I came up with - Emma & Fergie are strangely similar. A few examples:

1.) They both think they're a little better than they actually are
2.) They both ended up with men better than them. Say what you will about Josh Duhamel, but he is hot. She looks like a man 90% of the time. And Mr. Knightley makes Emma a better person.
3.) People think they are better than they actually are - ex.) Fergie's singing & Emma's piano playing. Emma admits that she is not as good as people say she is, while I'm not really sure what Fergie's stance is. I imagine she thinks she's just as good as her fans do.
4.) Both started out with good intentions...i.e, Emma wanting to marry her friend Harriet to a man above her station in life & Fergie starting out on Kids Incorporated. How she went from cute Stacy Ferguson on that show, to the woman we see today is a mystery.
5.) They both had to overcome obstacles - Emma, her misguided matchmaking & Fergie, her crystal meth addiction.

See, it's like they're the same person, right? Okay, maybe not, but it was funny to me when I started to think about it. More power to Fergie for being a strong, successful woman - oh, and hey, Emma is too! See - it's uncanny.

Thankfulness

I've been thinking a lot about thankfulness lately, for obvious reasons, and have realized that I have so much to be grateful for. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I have decided to make a list of some of the things I am most thankful for in my life. In no particular order.


1.) God's grace
2.) Beautiful, crisp fall days
3.) My husband's sense of humor
4.) Fun shopping outings with friends. Named Brenda. :)
5.) Lazy Sunday's
6.) My health
7.) Good books
8.) Movies that inspire a sense of wonder
9.) A loving family
10.) The ability to travel
11.) My sweet, snorting, lovable dog
12.) Wonderful friends
13.) New babies
14.) My grandfather being at home
15.) Turkey and dressing
16.) Loose fitting pants :)
17.) My home
18.) IMDB
19.) Netflix - especially because of the WGA strike, which is something I am most definitely NOT thankful for.
20.) My church family
21.) Laughter
22.) coffee with hazelnut creamer
23.) hopefulness
24.) My faith
25.) A 3 day work week!!

May I always remember these things and others that I am thankful for, not just at Thanksgiving, but all year long.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Violence Shmiolence

Can someone explain to me why directors, producers, etc., feel it's necessary to depict the most gruesome, violent events on camera, rather than leave it to the audience's imagination? Do you give us so little credit that if you show a knife to someone's neck and then cut away or switch to a reverse shot of the body slumping, we won't realize that someone's throat has just been slashed? Really guys, we're not that dumb. Now, I get, that in some instances (i.e., Saving Private Ryan), that it serves the plot of the movie and is necessary to teach and educate us, even though it may be hard to watch. However, it seems these days, that it's merely thrown in for shock value to see just how much you can get away with, how absolutely foul you can be. Case in point: I went to see Eastern Promises last night with some friends and there were about 5 or 6 scenes that really, were totally unecessary. I get that the Russian mafia is violent. I get that they kill people in terrible, torturous ways. But (spoiler warning), do I really need to see someone's fingers actually being cut off? Viggo Mortensen stabbing a rival family member in the eye? In the back of the head? A guy's throat being slashed and then seeing it open up and out pours the blood?

And the movie actually had a very interesting plot line, dynamic characters and was really well done - I would have enjoyed it I think, had I not had to look away every 15 minutes or so because I was afraid I was going to throw up in the seat next to me. I'm sure my friend Brenda appreciated the fact that I didn't. It's really not violence that bothers me, it's the unecessary violence that does nothing, in my opinion, to advance the plot line. It left me feeling like I needed to shower, throw up, then shower again.

And when did movies become $9.50?? Hollywood is making me angry. I LOVE to go see movies, but having to pay that much, for any movie, makes me want to sit at home and wait for the DVD to come out. But on the bright side, my local theater did just decide to start carrying Junior Mints again. VICTORY!!

1 Great Book + 1 Great Movie = 1 Happy Girl

My latest book club selection was Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I love my book club because it introduces me to new books that I might not pick on my own. It might not be quite as cool as my friend, Michelle's is, but for now it'll do! If you have not read this book, please run out and get it right now. She is the kind of writer I can only hope to be. First of all, it's an amazing story about her travels around the world, so it's bound to be interesting just based on that. Sidenote: This is also an enjoyable book about self-discovery through travel. But back on topic, in addition to the inherently appealing subject matter, she has the most beautiful way of expressing herself, choosing just the right words, making you feel as if you are there with her, experiencing Italy or India or Bali, just like she is. Her story is an inspiring one and I only hope that I'm able to express myself through writing as eloquently and humorously as she does some day. It's really a wonderful book and I highly recommend it.



Also inspiring is the latest movie we received from Netflix - oh how I love Netflix. The Motorcycle Diaries, if you haven't seen it, is an excellent, beautifully done movie. A riveting story about Ernesto "Che" Guevara's trip through South America on a motorcycle, with his friend, Alberto Granada. I had heard it was good, but really was amazed at how beautiful it looked (South America is gorgeous) and how engaging the story was. I don't know much about Guevara, but I enjoyed learning a little about him through this film. I feel like I should now write the sentence "I am not now, nor have I ever been, a communist." But Senator McCarthy isn't reading this, so I guess I'm safe. :)

100 Things About Jen

I got tagged (thanks Jenny) to do this, and being a sucker for any sort of survey, this is right up my alley. Here are 100 things you always/never wanted to know about me.

1.) I like a challenge. Hence coming up with 100 Things about me. Not easy.
2.) I do not like confrontation.
3.) Unless it is with my husband.
4.) I'm very stubborn - this is the only Aries quality I believe I embody.
5.) Well, that and a bad temper if you push me far enough.
6.) I'm left-handed
7.) I love to write
8.) One of my life long goals is to write a book.
9.) Bad spelling in emails annoys me - that is why spell check exists!
10.) I will read an email/letter 400 times before I send it to make sure I've said exactly what I want to say in the best way possible.
11.) I love to read. Like, insanely love to.
12.) I have questionable taste in music, but I desperately wish I was one of those "hip" music people. But sadly, Bon Jovi is one of my all-time favorites. And boy bands. It's shameful, I know.
13.) My top 3 favorite books are: On the Road, Gone With the Wind and Are You There God? It's Me Margaret. This last one was pivotal in my pre-teen years.
14.) I'm a television junkie
15.) I hate reality shows, unless they are dance competition-based (i.e., So You Think You Can Dance & Dancing with the Stars).
16.) The CW is on my DO NOT WATCH list.
17.) I love to travel
18.) My favorite trip so far is the trip my husband and I took to Yellowstone National Park and the Grand Tetons
19.) I am going to Ireland in October!
20.) My favorite color is green.
21.) I love 80's movies and music.
22.) I hate math.
23.) I am an introvert, but I'm getting better.
24.) I love kids, but want to treat them like adults, so I'm often awkward around them.
25.) I wish I was better at entertaining/hosting parties.
26.) I'm not a clean freak, but I'm not a huge slob either. I just feel like there are much better things for me to do when I get home from work and on the weekends than clean the house.
27.) I like to cook, but I hate cleaning up afterwards. That's what my husband is for.
28.) I'm trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle.
29.) I love my family - they all make me laugh - especially my little brother.
30.) I try to move my life along too fast sometimes. I should be better about living in the moment.
31.) I find I'm much more satisfied and less critical of myself the older I get.
32.) I'm terrified of scary movies.
33.) I cannot keep a plant alive to save my life.
34.) I love my church.
35.) I wish I knew the Bible better than I do.
36.) I think my husband is one of the smartest people I know.
37.) He also makes me laugh more than anyone else.
38.) I detest politics and politicians.
39.) My grandmother is one of the bravest women I know.
40.) If I could be a professional dancer, I would. And no, not THAT kind of professional dancer.
41.) I hate talking on the phone - I find it uncomfortable and awkward.
42.) I'm still trying to break the bad habit of biting my nails - it's a stress related thing, so you can always tell how stressed out I am by the length of my nails.
43.) I want to do more volunteer work.
44.) I am a very trusting person.
45.) I love animals, but could never be a vet because I would be entirely too emotional. I can't watch Animal Cops on Animal Planet b/c it makes me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME.
46.) I have an awesome dog name Lily Belle, who is a 3 year old, snorting, precious bulldog.
47.) I want to move back to Nashville one day.
48.) Don't ask me to pick a favorite movie. I can't.
49.) I love going to movies.
50.) I love Auburn University and going to Auburn football games.
51.) I think Aubie is the best mascot, EVER.
52.) I have amazing friends.
53.) I have hypochondriac tendencies.
54.) I hate going to the doctor.
55.) I love my TiVo.
56.) I love playing Dance Dance Revolution and the one time I played Guitar Hero, I was terrible.
57.) Fall is my favorite season, hands down. No competition from any of the other 3.
58.) Christmas is my favorite holiday.
59.) I have been married for 3 1/2 years
60.) Wow - it doesn't seem like it's been that long! Which is good I guess. :)
61.) I often wish I had red hair.
62.) There is a lot of bad in this world. But I also think there is a lot of good, and I try and focus on that when I watch the news.
63.) I don't understand how people can be so cruel sometimes.
64.) I am a romantic.
65.) I sound incredibly stupid and awkward when I cuss, so I rarely do it.
66.) I am sarcastic - sometimes to a fault.
67.) I do not tan - unless I buy it in a bottle. And that's just smelly, so I'm pretty pale year round, unless I have a sunburn.
68.) This used to make me EXTREMELY self-conscious, but I am coming to terms with it now.
69.) I wish I could sing, because I love to.
70.) I tried to learn to play the guitar once, but did not have the patience. I learned Brown-Eyed Girl and it was pretty painful to listen to me play it. Just ask anyone who ever heard it.
71.) I want Lasik surgery.
72.) I don't think I make a great first impression (refer to #23), but once you get to know me, I'm pretty cool.
73.) If I get embarrassed, I am not good at not letting people know. I turn bright red. Which is very noticeable on my aforementioned pale skin.
74.) I have a lot of freckles.
75.) I hate feet. Mine and yours. Don't take it personally.
76.) I love food. I often plan my days around it.
77.) I'm training for the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk in October, so a lot of my life consists of walking right now.
78.) It's harder than I thought it would be.
79.) I've gotten out of the habit of doing yoga. I miss it.
80.) I am a daddy's girl and I think he hung the moon.
81.) I appreciate my mom more and more every day and think she is one of the smartest, most loving people I know.
82.) I am seven years older than my little brother and we are totally different, but are crazy about each other.
83.) I do not like crowds. They stress me out.
84.) Taking off and landing in airplanes makes my palms sweat. In between, I'm fine.
85.) Being late also makes me sweat.
86.) I have absolutely no sense of direction. Mapquest and I are best friends. And if I had one, I know GPS and I would be too.
87.) I took dance for 12 years growing up.
88.) I wish I had stuck with it.
89.) I have lived in Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia.
90.) I am very loyal - to friends, brands, tv shows, you name it.
91.) I firmly believe that Junior Mints are the best candy ever made.
92.) I want to help this cause.
93.) I hate spiders.
94.) I LOVED Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, and was devastated when I found out he died.
95.) Same goes for Christopher Reeve.
96.) It's hard for me to turn down free Starbucks - which is bad, because I'm offered free Starbucks more than you would think.
97.) I am a very serious person - sometimes too serious. I think my husband balances me out in that respect.
98.) Do not call me during Lost or Heroes. I will not answer the phone. Same went for Felicity, Dawson's Creek, Alias and Veronica Mars.
99.) I love eating hot dogs at Braves games.
100.) I'm very forgetful. If I don't write something down immediately when I think of it, I will forget it.

108

So, I started reading a new book this morning at the gym. Eat, Pray, Love - which 22 pages in, is excellent so far. However, the most delightful thing I discovered upon starting the book this morning is that in the first 2 pages, it references the number 108. Now, for all my fellow Lost fans out there, you know why this was exciting to me. Apparently, in India, they use something called a "japa mala" - which is similar to a Catholic rosary, in that it is a strand of beads and with each bead, you recite your mantra. The interesting thing about it is that there are exactly 108 beads on a japa mala. And here is the reason - because they view 108 as a perfect number, divisible by 3, and the numbers in 108 add up to 9, which is three 3's. And, 3 is a very important number in religion, i.e., the Holy Trinity. Anyway, I was just very interested to read about it and to discover a little bit more behind the mythology on "Lost". Yes, I'm a tv dork, but you, my dear readers, already knew that!

Maybe the next thing my book will reveal is who the heck Jacob is.

The World Is Not Your Ashtray

I need a bumper sticker that says this. One of the things in life that makes me angry and flushed as soon as I witness it is someone throwing a cigarette out of their car while driving down the road. Really? You don't have an ashtray in there that you can use?? Because I really think you do. Every time I see it, it just makes me upset. You don't want to leave cigarette butts in your car, but you will throw them out of your window and litter the streets with them? That's awesome. Really. Maybe there's some other reason that makes more sense as to why people do this, but if there is, I'm not aware of it. Please enlighten me if so.

Along those same lines - I was in line at the drive-thru the other day and witnessed a lady get her drink, open her straw and promptly toss the straw paper out of her window. In addition to the world not being your ashtray, it is also not your trashcan! What the heck? Are you that lazy? Didn't you learn when you were like 3, to pick up after yourself? That's just lazy and irresponsible. It's like people are living in their own little world with no regard for what goes on around them. It's very disconcerting.

Aren't we all supposed to be good stewards of the earth? Am I making that up? I think at the very least, not littering the streets with trash and cigarette butts is a step in the right direction.

End ranting diatribe.